Next year will It's been a full decade since one of the most complicated and shocking moments in Halsey's life and career. During her recent appearance on She is a doctor In an episode of The Voice podcast, the musician reflected on her experience suffering a miscarriage before taking the stage for a major concert when she was just 20 years old. Now 29, Halsey — a mother of a three-year-old son named Ender — recalls what she called “complicated emotions,” which she’s still processing.
“I was in a really tough position because it was so early in my career, and there were so many things tied to the show,” the singer explained. “There was a corporate partner, there was a larger media entity partner, but most importantly for me, there was [were] “A thousand kids waited all day to get into this show and see me,” she revealed to VEVO. It was a VEVO Lift show, rolling stone In a 2016 interview, ahead of the release of her debut album in August 2015, Badlands.
In that moment, her role as Halsey’s performer, not Ashley’s human, took priority. They sent their assistant to the pharmacy for a box of adult diapers to contain the bleeding, took two Percocet pills to ease the pain, and took the stage for a performance that will be immortalized on video forever. “It’s funny because when I look at it now, I’m pale and sweaty and my voice is different,” they said. She is a doctor On watching the show again, which they found difficult to do. “My voice is guttural. I look and sound like a different person.”
In 2016, Halsey described the show as “the angriest I’ve ever done in my life.” Something about her priorities made her realize she “didn’t feel like a human being anymore.” After the show, she threw up profusely in a parking lot, then boarded a plane to Canada for another show. “I beat myself up about it, because I think it was because of the lifestyle I was living,” she said at the time. “I wasn’t drinking. I wasn’t doing drugs. I was so exhausted — in the hospital every other week because I was dehydrated, and I had IV bags brought into the operating room. I was anemic, I was passing out. My body just collapsed.”
In June, Halsey released a new song titled “The End,” marking her first official music release in over a year. The song detailed the health struggles she was going through privately during that time, painting a picture of cold hospital rooms and the emotional wreckage that came with the end of relationships that didn’t survive those low points. Proceeds from the record benefited the Leukemia & Lymphoma Society as well as the Lupus Research Alliance. They have also been open about their struggles with endometriosis in the past. In March, she revealed that she was “back in diapers” after undergoing a procedure for the condition.
After the emotional ballad, Halsey followed up with “Lucky,” a Britney Spears-inspired single that reflected on the personal sacrifices she made in her quest for fame. Although she recalls her miscarriage with feelings of confusion and guilt, as well as sadness and relief, Halsey has shifted her priorities to put herself first.
Just days after the single dropped, Halsey took to Tumblr to reveal that she feels some of the same emotions now that she’s back in the public spotlight. The lengthy post was largely directed at her fan base, who she said are “without a doubt more cruel to me than anyone else on this planet.” For a long time, Halsey has prioritized them—the time they spent supporting her, the distances they traveled to attend her shows, and what her music ultimately meant to them about her own life. Now, she’s redrawing the lines.
“I almost lost my life. I won’t do anything that doesn’t make me happy anymore. I can’t handle it spiritually,” Halsey wrote. “When I got sick, all I could think about was getting better so I could go back and be part of this again, but I don’t even know what that is anymore and I want to crawl in a hole regretting going back.” At the end of the post, they noted the “crazy irony” that they posted it at the same time a shortened version of “Lucky” was uploaded online. They concluded by saying, “I am a person. I am not a character in a music video.”
