I
in the beginning, There was nothing. “Let there be light,” the influencers said. Circular lights, to be exact. For the past five years, I’ve been reporting on social media’s watershed moments and interviewing countless content creators at various stages of their careers. Yet I’ve never tried to become an influencer myself. The rules are simple: I ditch my verified accounts and start posting, throwing stuff at the great wall of the internet and seeing what sticks. What could possibly go wrong?
Day 1: Zero followers
I start with a simple task: post a trendy meme using lyrics from a Taylor Swift song. The meme makes fun of Aritzia dressing rooms and the anxiety that comes with realizing you won’t fit into the larger Reformation band. Ten minutes after hitting publish, I get 400 views, which isn’t a lot but feels right. I should get more views and followers in the morning.
Day 2: Zero followers
Wrong. My follower count is zero and the views I took for granted yesterday have gradually dried up. I’ve received my influencer training kit—a cheap microphone and ring light that promises to “outdo” everyone else—which I hope will bridge the gap between my ambition and the lack of natural light sources. In preparation for what is sure to be my future life of free parties and expensive suites, I’ve filmed a video capturing my makeup routine. But something isn’t right. The views have dropped from two to 14 and then stagnated. Can’t this be the same internet that Alex Earle posts on?
Day 3: Zero followers
It’s still the same. Zero. Followers. I need help. After promising my friends dinner, they arrive at my apartment to a hastily rearranged living room and a bright ring light. I spend 20 minutes setting up, leaving the promised food unprepared—my first mistake. We open the wine and film for three hours, while I try on dresses for my brother’s upcoming wedding and the room screams order. None of the clothes fit. We go through four bottles. When I go to edit the footage, I realize that our laughter has blown out the microphones and my dog’s inquisitive sniffing of the camera has smudged the lens. None of it is usable.
Day 7: 1 follower
One follower! After my success, I post four more TikTok videos of fashion, style tips, and incoherent or poorly put together memes—completely distracted by the shiny “1” on my screen. These videos get 20 views in total. This lack of success, combined with the physical time I now spend looking at myself, changes something inside me. I find myself filming and re-filming, changing the lighting and angles. Is this how I always look? Posting every day is hard work. I spend hours trying to put together content, but suddenly the clothes don’t make sense. I’ve also never thought so closely about how I’m seen through other people’s eyes. Now that’s all I can think about.
Day 10: Five followers
I’m stuck in what I can only describe as a bad place. My “For You” page here on my new account is deserted, barren except for creators making content about creativity. At least I’m not the only one trying—and I’m certainly not the only one failing. Videos pop up with lines like “The Best Way to Go Viral in a Month” or “Here’s Why You Only Have 5 Followers!” and challenges abound, reminiscent of the follower trains on old Tumblr. There are teens and adults and creators and professionals and everyone in between who confess to a common, deep-seated desire: to secretly create a TikTok account, get popular, and resurface with a following big enough to change your life.
Day 12: Nine Followers
It was time to reach out for help again. CAA agent Chris Whitten was kind enough to tell me that my TikTok account was failing because I was bad. But he advised me to respond to comments more, follow more trends, and simply post more. “It’s not up to you to decide if I’m bad at creating or not. It’s up to the audience,” he says. With that in mind, I turned to the group chat for some more solid advice. “Not enough content and thumbs up[nails] “I could use better lighting,” says one friend. Another thinks I could “add” more cultural insights. So what I get is more, more, more. The name of the game these next few days should be overkill. As long as I post something, anything, I’ll be fine.
Day 13: Nine Followers
I've spent so much time focusing on the work I actually get paid for that my camera roll is empty. I'll post tomorrow.
Day 14: Nine followers
It's Saturday. I'm not dressed. It wouldn't hurt to post the next day.
Day 15: 10 followers
Maybe I should spend my weekend doing laundry. I pulled out my phone during breakfast to take a picture of my food, and immediately got a look from the waitress who silenced me for at least 20 minutes. Maybe I consider this a social media fast.
Day 16: Nine Followers
the curse.
Day 25: 10 followers
Today I make a terrible, pointless, and utterly awful mistake: I start over. I delete every TikTok video that has less than 50 views, thinking it will be a clean slate, but instead I immediately regret it. I feel hopeless. I retrieve half-finished videos of clothing and accessories, swing my phone wildly at things I think I can turn into a post, and ask for comments, followers, attention — literally anything. After the fifth time I check my TikTok notifications on my phone during my girlfriend’s dinner, my girlfriend takes it away from me.
Day 33: 12 followers
As a writer, I’m used to the pitch, the edit, the process of turning an idea into a punchline. Here, it’s all worth sharing. Masterpiece: A TikTok video that combines the summer lingo, the vegetable dress, and my love for a viral AI-themed horse-shaped handbag. It gets 4,000 views in 20 minutes. Oh my god, I think I got it!
Today?: 19 followers
I’ve lost control of how long this experiment has been going on and when it’s supposed to end. If this was an attempt to go viral, it failed. But if neurosis, anxiety, and the knowledge that one post might keep me from leaving my obscurity behind is a mindset, it’s one I’ve embraced, outfit by outfit. I’m so excited to leave my failed attempt at influence behind. But as I go to TikTok to say goodbye, I notice that one of my posts has gained some traction. It’s over 4,000 views and counting. My follower count has jumped to 19, and the notifications and comments are still rolling in.
Well… maybe another post wouldn't hurt.
