On behalf of Italian Americans everywhere, please don't let the volatile, miserable, explosive Bearzato family depicted in “The Bear” scare you into running for the hills if you find yourself drawn into the orbit of an Italian family. We're actually funnier than they are.
The indefinable drama/comedy, Hulu hit “The Bear” has been the talk of the town since it premiered in 2022, and rightfully so. It’s a beautifully told and filmed series, and the cast is all brilliant. But those bears — who in their right mind would want to hang out with them? As someone who is 85% Italian (thank you, 23andMe) and grew up in a big extended family with friends referred to as aunts, uncles, and cousins (“hey, paisan!”), the show is really about love, laughter, joy, and… oh, you get the point.
So, to put things in perspective for all of us Italians here, let's explore how we can teach the Berzato family to heal their wounds, embrace life with enthusiasm – and maybe even smile from time to time, shall we?
•sing with all your heart
Piers, you need to relax. Listen to some Dean Martin, Tony Bennett or Frank Sinatra. Hearing them sing about love and the good life (“The bells will ring, and you will sing, ‘Vita Bella’”) or even Irish singer Rosemary Clooney promising you “You’ll be happy on your feet when you dance the Mambo Italiano” can’t help but put a smile on your face. Are your emotions flowing? Help them by singing passionately along to Luciano Pavarotti. The emotional release will have you crying and then laughing because it was so easy to let out those feelings.
•Hug more, won't you?
The Berzatos (and their friends) are very emotional. We’re not talking about throwing hotel keys in a jar. We’re talking about fists. Yes, Italians are very emotional. When they love someone, they love back with all their might, as if to say, “Go away, because I’m probably going to strangle you.” When they’re sad, they don’t just cry; they scream. When they’re angry, they warn; it’s not uncommon for them to go nuclear. That’s what we saw in “The Bear.” But in real life, for many Italians, once the screaming is over, it’s as if nothing had happened, followed by a rib-crushing hug. And if that doesn’t happen, they do what my grandmother did when I was a child, which would silence me quickly. She would grab a small amount of skin on my arm and pull and twist at the same time. That would hurt a terrorist.
Ride them.
•Titles
The Perzato family actually has all their surnames in their true Italian form, meaning they all end in “ie” or “y.” Like Carmi, Richie, Mikey, etc. But Italians also give each other cute pet names. The Bear family never touched on this except by calling Natalie “Sugar.” In my family, for example, we have names like Measles, Poco, and Dillinger, to name a few, that started when they were kids, indicating who a) got sick, b) loved hockey, and c) had a gun and a holster since they could walk. These nicknames stuck with them until they were sitting around a poker table in the sky drinking Spritzers. The Perzato family can certainly come up with some cute terms.
•Embrace your Italian identity
Italians are like Geminis (the voice of experience) in that they are contradictory. They are incredibly strong yet equally vulnerable. They are fun-loving yet deadly serious. They are young at heart but old in spirit. They love to have family and friends gather in the kitchen to eat and chatter at high volumes, everyone talking over each other but surprisingly knowing what every conversation is about. They love that noise. It brings them joy to see joy in others, and that is what they seek not only to have but to create. Berzatos, embrace that. At least once in a while.
