Indicted Trump Hawks Bible Complete With Miranda Rights

On Easter eve, the cash-strapped former president also debuts his “Trump Miracle Toaster”

On Easter eve, Saturday Night Live opened with Donald Trump (James Austin Johnson) hawking his latest product: a $60 Bible which includes not only the Constitution and the Pledge of Allegiance, but Miranda rights.

“As you know, I love Bible,” Johnson’s character explains, unconvincingly. “It’s my favorite book. I’ve definitely read it. My favorite part is probably the ending.”

(In 2020, then-President Trump held up an upside-down Bible during a blatant photo-op outside the White House, where protesters had just been tear gassed.)

“But I’m not doing this for the money,” SNL‘s Trump goes on to say, despite the hundreds of millions of dollars he has been ordered to pay in defamation and bank fraud judgments, not to mention having to run a presidential campaign. “I’m doing this for the glory of God, and for pandering, and mostly for money.”

The “even better” Bible’s contents are not just about Easter, during which he “kept waiting for the bunny to show up,” he joked. In addition to Trump’s head superimposed on a much more fit body, he explains the book “also includes Constitution, Pledge of Allegiance, and–I don’t know–maybe Miranda rights.”


The “God Bless the USA Bible” was part of a package deal, he added. “If you order now, we’ll also throw in a free Trump Miracle Toaster.

One of the cash-strapped former president’s other products he has pitched his supporters–a pair of $399 sneakers–was mocked on SNL last month in a sketch called “White Men Can Trump.”


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